Marriage Problems?

Romans 5:5 (New International Version)

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

We don’t pray for love, it is already living within us. As we die to selfish acts, Christ is allowed to work in us to do all that is pleasing in His sight. Love is an action, an act of the will, regardless of contrary feelings (Heb. 13:20-21).

The authority to exercise love came by the blood of Jesus, the blood which forgave us and cleansed us from all sin. Therefore, the power to love is resident within the person of the Holy Spirit who empowers us to display and express the fruit of the Spirit.

If every married person would conduct their life according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 there would be no divorce, separations, and constant fighting. Let’s look at the God kind of love that is in each believer when they received the new birth. You have this love within you if you are born again according to Romans 5:5.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (Amplified Bible)

Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].

Your Happiness Depends On It

Your peace and joy and ultimate happiness are not dependent upon your spouse, on others, or anything else, but it comes by doing what God says to do regardless of the actions of others or the conditions of life (Matt. 7:1-5 ; John 14:27).

I am not held responsible to change others or to bring about moral and ethical results except for myself. I am responsible to examine myself only to insure that I am biblically responding to life according to God’s word. Ezek. 18:20 ; Phil. 2:12-13

Practicing dying to self, to fleshly instincts and impulses, requires that my focus be on God. Allow God through me to work out responses to life situations in a manner which brings glory to God and honors His reputation. Phil. 2:2-4 ; Rom. 12:9-21 ; Rom. 8:28-29

A believing spouse has the responsibility to present God’s truths to an unbelieving spouse in speech and actions that are Christ-honoring and biblically submissive. Eph. 4:15, 25, 29 ; 1 Pet. 3:1, 7, 8-15

Love – an Act of the Will

To love is an act of the will, not of feelings. God will not ask us to do anything unless He first equips and empowers us to do so. But we must take the initiative. God will not do for us what we are expected to do, but when we take the first step to biblically respond, God will do the rest. Matt. 22:37-39 ; 1 John 2:4-6 ; 1 John 3:14

To love your spouse as God commands requires that we daily die to our own selfish desires and live to please God by serving our spouse. 1 John 3:23 ; Luke 9:23-24

Husbands are inclined to be harsh (cruel, unkind, unsympathetic, insensitive, and unforgiving) and embittered (resentful, cynical) towards wives, to abuse (mistreat) them, to neglect them or take them for granted. (Col. 3:19 ; 1 Pet. 3:7) As the spiritual head of the home, husbands are to set the example by being a true servant, giving up their own desires to meet the needs and desires of the family Matt. 20:25-29.

Wives are inclined to be quarrelsome and contentious (touchy, debatable), usually challenging and contending for recognition. Instead, she is to put on love, submission and respect for her husband. Prov. 21:9 ; 1 Pet. 3:1-6. Both husband and the wife are to act in the redemptive process, daily dying to reactions of the flesh, developing one mind and one spirit: a spirit of sacrifice. 2 Cor. 4:10-12

God’s solution to problems in your marriage is for you to:

1. First, make a commitment to please the Lord in all things (Col. 1:10).
2. Examine and judge your own failures in a biblical manner, do not blame shift (1 Cor. 11:28-31).
3. Confess your sin to the Lord and confess your marital shortcomings to your spouse (1 John 1:9).
4. Seek to edify your spouse biblically and do it heartily as unto the Lord (Rom. 14:19 ; Rom. 15:1-2).
5. Seek to resolve conflicts and live at peace with your spouse. If your spouse refuses to resolve problems biblically, continue to trust in Christ Jesus for your peace and joy.